


The Betrayal of our Hearts

by Rayduuu



Series: Amarië Lavellan [9]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, NSFW, Post-breakup, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:57:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4442021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayduuu/pseuds/Rayduuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weeks after he left her heartbroken in Crestwood, the tension between Solas and Amarië reaches a breaking point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Betrayal of our Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Written as an alternate ending to [The Wall](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3858610)

Solas stepped into the dying sunlight, letting the heavy door of the turret swing to a close behind him. The air was brisk here, without the protection of Skyhold’s sturdy walls. The wind slipped effortlessly over the battlements, chilling the stone beneath his feet. He took a moment to gaze at the blazing mountaintops, taking the mountain air into his lungs with deep, slow breaths. It was quiet. The walls of the fortress seemed a world apart from the grounds, offering refuge from the nervous tension in the courtyard below. Solas understood that fear. Corypheus was undoubtedly crippled by his losses in the Arbor Wilds, but he was desperate. A desperate man wielding the power of a god would destroy all Thedas without a thought, blinded by incomprehensible horror as all he holds to be true dissolves around him like ash in the wind. There was nothing that Solas was more intimately familiar with than this, and the knowledge was ice in his core.

He turned, and there she was. Amarië was leaning against the battlements at the foot of the steps, waiting for him. Her face was turned toward the mountaintops, the wind blowing through her hair, her cheeks and ears pink with the bite of the wind. Her hair shone golden, kissed with the last of the sunlight. She was so beautiful it made his heart ache. He paused at the top of the steps, watching her in silence. It had been almost two weeks since he had last seen her, and longer since they had properly spoken. _Harden your heart to a cutting edge_ , he had told her. _Sharp enough to cut through your enemies and to cut me away. Sharp enough to keep you safe_.

She never lacked for strength. Even in her anger and hurt she did her duty- to the Inquisition, to her companions, and to him. She allowed him his distance, tasking him to research the vir’abelasan and the Temple of Mythal while she took a small force to Empris du Lions, far too restless to wait patiently for Cullen’s forces to return from the Arbor Wilds. Yet, despite her resolve, the eyes he now watched were unendurably sad as they gazed beyond the battlements, unseeing and, his heart clenched, shining with tears. She scowled suddenly, her lips moving in a quiet scoff, undoubtedly scolding herself. Well. If she could force herself to show strength even here where there was no audience to perform for, he would do no less for her. He composed himself and made his way down the steps, hands behind his back. “Inquisitor.”

She started, clearly too absorbed in her thoughts to have noticed his approach. “Ir abelas,” she said, turning to him and blinking back the brightness in her eyes. “Thank you for this, Solas.”

 _All I have done to her and she apologizes._ He almost laughed at the absurdity of it. She was apologizing for her tears, protecting the one who caused them. Instead he inclined his head. “Sathem.” Polite, unattached. _Make it easy for her to let go._

“Have you learned anything?”

It began like a charade, speaking with the courtesy of acquaintances rather than the intimacy of former lovers. They discussed what he had learned, discussed her concerns about the witch Morrigan and the gaes of the vir’abelasan that now compelled her. Yet she began to relax as she told him of her own adventures during her absence from Skyhold. Her reserve melted away as she spoke of assisting the local refugees, of encountering straggling bands of Red Templars, of her frustration with the absence of the Inquisition forces and her fears of being caught unprepared by whatever remained of Corypheus. Solas was swept away in her confessions and they fell into the easy banter they were so used to.

She begged him to tell her more about the Temple of Mythal and he obliged. Even now, her curiosity and hunger for knowledge made it impossible not to indulge her. Her delighted laughter rang through the cold air, dancing over his skin and caressing his ears. This is how he longed to keep her- laughing and free of burden. She deserved it. She deserved everything. As her face was now free of vallaslin, he would ensure that her future was one of freedom. She reached for him, a question on her lips that he did not hear as her hand fell on his arm. Her touch was electric. He stilled as the weight of the many months of their shared memories fell on them, now tainted with ache and dissatisfaction.

“Oh.” She pulled away, hurt and confused.

The silence stretched between them, the chill in the wind now unforgiving in the darkening sky. He broke away from her gaze, from her unspoken accusations. “Perhaps we should return to the keep,” he said. She would find comfort and distraction among others. Being alone with her was torturous.

Amarië's arms folded tightly against her torso, tightly against his presence. “Perhaps you are right.” He could feel the anger and tension flowing off of her in waves as she followed him, up the stairs, across the gorge. “I don’t want it to be like this,” she said, so soft he could barely hear.

He said nothing as she followed him into the interior of the turret, darkness and stillness surrounding them.

“Creators, Solas, can’t you even _look_ at me?”

He could not bear this. Of course she was upset, she could not know how much it hurt to be so near he could feel the warmth of her. She could have no idea how he ached to reach for her, touch her, kiss her. She was baiting him and he could not give in. It was fortunate that she could not see his face. “I believe it would be… _kinder_ to maintain the distance between us, Inquisitor.”

The laugh that burst from her throat was harsh, incredulous. “ _It would be kinder in the long run_ ,” she mocked. “Those were your words, but then you told me you loved me.”

He still did.

“What changed, Solas?”

Now he looked at her, his face wiped clean of the pain that screamed in his chest. She held his gaze with her own steady, brilliantly blue eyes. Challenging, always challenging him, never satisfied with half-explanations and excuses. It was what drew him to her in the beginning and what made it difficult even now to walk away. He had to leave. “I apologize, Inquisitor. I have taken enough of your time.” He turned to exit, his hand on the door, but hers was suddenly on his arm, gripping, forcing him to stop.

“Just like that?” She spat. “Creators, Solas, you fight so hard to push away from me, acting as if you have no choice, that it hurts you. Have you even once considered fighting that hard to stay _with_ me?”

Everything he had held back came crashing down onto him. He whipped around. Her eyes were furious, the blue ablaze with fire, and they were so, so close to his own as the words hissed from him with impassioned vehemence. “Do you not think that if I could, Amarië, I  _would_? Do you not understand that I would turn this world inside out for you? Do you not realize that is  _exactly_  the reason I cannot?”

Her eyes widened. Before he could even think to compose himself she had moved and her mouth was on his. Oh, the warmth of her. He crumbled as she pressed herself to him, his arms wrapping around her, his fingers in her hair, his tongue in her mouth. She moaned into him and there was no more resistance. They stumbled together until her back was against the wall, his hands running down her body as her own slid around his neck, pulling herself up and into his kiss.

His hand caught her thigh and she brought it up, her leg searching for purchase on his hip. She broke away from his mouth, panting, her hips moving against his, impatient. “Please.” Her breath trembled in his ear, her fingers pulling at the laces of his breeches. She didn’t have to ask twice. He could no more stop this than he could stop the unrelenting passage of time. He let go of her thigh, his fingers gripping and pulling at the waist of her pants as he pressed his lips to hers once more, drinking her in like a man dying of thirst. It took nothing- they were around her ankles, they were gone, and her legs wrapped around his hips, gripping him. She was off the ground as he hoisted her onto him, the weight of her nonexistent in their urgency. He could feel the wetness of her as she pulled him free of his breeches. As she slipped her tongue into his mouth he pushed his cock between the slick folds and buried himself inside her. She threw her head back, crying out, and he almost came undone then and there.

They moved together quickly, desperately, her quivering lips on his mouth, his neck, whispering and moaning into his ears. How he had longed for her. He drove into her with wretched need, pulling her onto and into him as if he could keep her there forever. Their breathing quickened and their mouths met once more, knowing it would soon be over and they would lose everything all over again. They clung to each other, crying out as they came simultaneously, her nails digging into his neck and back, convulsing as he released inside of her.

And it was over. The passion drained from both hearts, leaving them with a terrible emptiness. He held her there, pushed against the wall, still inside her. His head dropped to her shoulder and she pressed her cheek to his.

“’Ma sa’lath,” she whispered. She trembled against him with exhaustion and emotion.

“Vhenan,” he breathed, the word breaking out of him with a choking sob. “Forgive me. Forgive me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me.


End file.
